Who I Knew

Have you ever loved someone and gave them the whole world? Moved mountains for that person? Went to the moon and back? Gave them your all? Waited for them? But they never returned anything? How do you know if you're in love? When you love someone, how do you know if they feel the same way? Why can't I just love someone and be happy? Why is it always me thats trying? Why is it always me that's getting affected? Why do I always have to feel like this? Why can't he love me back? Why does it always have to be like this?

I've never been hurt this bad. I've never gone through something like this. I've never been this sad. I've never been this depressed. I feel like its always me that is getting hurt between the two of us. I'm always trying to make him happy. He's the person I never ever want to lose. I want to grow old with him. I want to buy a house with him in our dream city. I'm always seeking for his attention. But he never returns them. He chooses to ignore me. He chooses to be alone. I think the problem is just me.

But all I wanted is for us to be happy together. We go out on dates, but it's always me that's planning them. We take turns treating each other. I'm always the one asking to go. Never did he ask me to go on a date, or go out. Majority of the time I ask him to go out, he always wants another person to come and third wheel. He never feels happy when it's just the two of. Recently that changed though. He's okay with things that happen when it's just the two of us. It's been about four months since he was okay with it this way. We hang out at tantalus. Our key destination when we just want to be out at night. Talk about our problems under the stars outlooking the beautiful city of Honolulu. 

Our first date together was after Orientation night at Island Air. We dined in at Zippy's and we had a male server. He is a side seater when it comes to dates, but I don't like when he's sitting next to me. I like my date to be seated across from me. I still remember what we ate. I had a Chicken Katsu Curry and he had a small portion of Korean Chicken. He started judging me and called me a pig because I ate so much. Then we started roasting each other but I know we both did not get offended. 

I know his life would be very different without me. From our days at Island Air, getting him a job at the restaurant I work for, and many other things I have done. If it was not because of me, he would have not gotten an internship at Island Air, a job at Zippy's, seen many things on the Island that he's never been to. 

I feel so disgusted how he could just leave me hanging like that. How he could just start ignoring me and treating me like shit. After what happened? You have the guts to treat me like trash, after all I have done for you? I know things would be so different. I literally was with you the whole time you were getting your job at Zippy's. You couldn't even drive yourself, or find a way to get to their administration office for an interview. What if I didn't drive you there? You think you would still have gotten the job without me? Bitch I also referred you. I love you that much, I will do anything to see you successful. Again, all I want is for you to be happy and successful. I wanted to help you get there, but what did you do? Take advantage of how nice I am. Now I just feel disgusted of the fact that you took advantage. I want someone else to experience everything you felt from me. But deep down inside me, I hope you realize how I feel and give me a chance. I know we'll make it through. 

College Life!!!

So I just started my second semester at the University of Hawaii at Manoa and currently, I really like my classes. I am taking Communicology 151, TIM 100 and 102, Economics 130, and Meteorology 101. The professors are really great at explaining and talking about the lecture being taught in class and totally understand it without struggling. My speech class has 230 students in it!! Thats like the biggest class I have!! Last semester though was the semester I hated. I hated my schedule because on Monday's and Wednesdays, I had a four hour gap in between my two classes so I was really bored. I did not have much homework. I would sit all day in the Hamilton Library on the third floor where the cubicles are located. I would either sleep or actually stay awake if I had my morning coffee. My anthropology professor was really terrible at explaining the material. She wouldn't let us use laptops to take notes and makes it really hard to write down everything she's saying as her lecture slides do not make sense. Well anyway, I have to say that UH Manoa is a really great school.